Flesh and Form
Diagnosed with Classical Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome–a connective-tissue disorder causing hypermobile joints, fragile skin, and poor wound healing, my experience within my corporeal body encapsulates terror and isolation. Consequently, my work delves beneath the surface of my scars to expose a life where pain is a foregone conclusion. Ruminations on control, power, and pain--my practice examines the lack of control I have over my body and the grief of feeling misunderstood and coming to terms with living with a chronic, incurable illness.
Do I control my body, or does my condition? In this dissonance, I grapple with my pain, with myself. As power is paramount and, to me, painting is inherently an exercise of control, manipulations of flesh and form are a means of regaining control. My hand and mind become proxies for my condition and, the antithesis of personification, flesh is denied empathy, objectified, and relegated to exist as mere forms–subjected, defenseless, and available to be melded–weaving between vibrancy and dramatic chiaroscuro, the visceral contends the controlled as form is torn, splintered, and striated through ambiguous space at my behest. Paradoxically, the imposition of sheer callousness upon flesh is to translatory, empathetic ends.
My words and scars cannot begin to encapsulate the reality of my existence. I can explain my history, my story, and my pain until I am blue in the face, but it would be to no avail. The pain of feeling wholly misunderstood and completely isolated in my existence drives my production. Consequently, through the honest and vivid representation of my bodily experience–mentally and physically–I hope to make visible the voice of those silenced and suffering from chronic illnesses, providing a means to bridge the gulf of misunderstanding between the abled and disabled.
